I lost my job: A love letter to a type A boss looking for inspiration, purpose, and hope.
So, I decided that I wasn’t going to talk about this. I was, and sometimes I still am, embarrassed. I am the queen of taking my lemons and making lemonade but no matter how many times I tried, this batch always tasted bitter.
This is just further evidence of the fact that I am not done learning how to be kind to myself.
Obviously, I’m about to get into this untold chapter of my life and it is not easy but it is important. Everything going on with COVID-19 has made me extremely grateful for a lot of the things I normally take for granted. If I can use a painful time in my life to give some people hope, I will.
Okay let’s get into it.
It’s been almost 4 months and I have dreaded talking about this but it’s time. I am very nervous about this. This entire post and all the feelings that are associated with this are very off the brand that I like to portray to the world.
One of the worst parts about not having a job is the lack of stability and the loss of purpose. I’ve always known what I’m doing and where I’m going, but when I lost my job the blueprint was thrown out the window. My 5-year plan went down the drain. It felt like all my goals and dreams were put on pause, but the rest of the world kept moving. It tested me and what I was made of.
Without the structure I’ve grown so accustomed to…. Who am I? What is important to me? What do I stand for?
Answering these loaded questions has been a very complex process and I don’t even know if I actually have any of the answers. Here’s what I got:
Who Am I:
I am resilient and I am multifaceted. I do not need a job to define me. I am a lover of people (sometimes). I care about music that makes me raise my hands, shake my hips, and thank God for life itself, and tv shows that make me throw my head back and laugh and feel seen, and books that help me escape into the depths of my dreams and aspirations.
I am a child of God. I am a black woman. I am a woman that knows her worth and is adding tax. I am Paradoxical Joy. I am a 20 something stumbling through life with my bible, a wine mug, my latest tv obsession queued up, and a camera and notepad to document everything for your viewing and reading pleasure.
There is so much about me outside of the type A, goal-oriented version. I really like chill Joy she’s cool and no matter what amazing opportunities come my way, she’s here to stay.
What is important to me:
My God, my family, my friends, and my legacy.
There’s so much that I want to accomplish in this life but it’s all for nothing if it doesn’t fit with or in those things.
My God is good and is the reason I literally do everything.
I love my family and friends so much and I would literally burn down everything for them.
My legacy is all about how I can make this world better than I found it, touch the lives of as many people as I can, represent my community well, and accomplish my goals while having fun doing it.
My soul can be at rest if I find myself somewhere between my people think of me kindly and I changed the world.
What do I stand for:
I stand for love especially self-love. It’s easy to love yourself when you’re a boss babe and that direct deposit keeps hitting your account. It’s a lot harder when you spend days bingeing tv shows you’ve already seen, deleting your inbox full of rejection letters or unanswered emails, and you’re surviving off of your savings.
I stand for hope. Things will get better.
I stand for peace. Everything happens for a reason.
I had to learn and I’m still learning how to love Joy, the person, for who I am not what I can do for myself or anybody else.
Now this might seem all lovely and nice but you still don’t have job and you probably still have a lot of unanswered question and a list of problems with no solutions.
1. Focus on what you can control.
2. Don’t be afraid to ask for help.
3. You are not alone.
4. This is just a small setback before your comeback.
5. Try asking yourself these questions and learn to fall in love with the answers.