10 Major things I’ve learned in this decade

When I started this decade I was 13 and now I’m 22. So basically I’m still a kid just with a two more degrees, some bills, and a lot of lessons learned. These are some of the major lessons I’ve learned in this decade. 

1. God is Always Good.

Wow. As I reflect on all the things I’ve been through and grown from in the last decade, especially the last few years, when everything else fades away, the only thing that remains is that God is always good. He is good in the best times. He is good in the worse times. He is good whether you feel like he’s good or not. He is good when you feel whole and alive. He is good when you are broken and alone. Through it all, he is good.

It’s such a simple phrase that if you’ve grown up anywhere near a church you’ve heard before, but it’s so true. The way that God has continuously shown up for me is out of this world and literally blows my mind. I can only imagine the way he is going to continue to show up. I am grateful. There are just not enough words but the fact that you’re even reading this is a testament of his goodness. I would be nothing without him. 

It can be really hard to think that God is good when everything else in your life feels like it’s not good. But when you can find it in your heart to just even whisper his praise things start to change. After everything I’ve lost and gained and loved and hated, God is always good. He always comes through. He holds me down in a way that no one else can. He is literally my life source. When my cup is empty, he fills me up. When everything seems hopeless, he gives me hope. When I feel like I don’t know how I’ll carry on, he gives me stregth to carry on. I am grateful, overwhelmed, and fulfilled by God’s goodness and love.  I really could go on and on but instead I’ll just let my life be a testament of God’s goodness and this blog serve as a love letter to the one that is always good. 

2. Loving Myself: the unending, unforeseen, and unpredictable love journey.  

This lesson is real y’all. I don’t even know if I have all the words. 

I have fallen and I am continuously falling in love with myself. 

The woman that I have become and I am becoming is phenomenal. 

This baddie did not happen over night and we not done yet but I really have surprised my own self.

I would be and I am my own friend.

If I could have a glass of wine with anyone, dead or alive, it would be me. 

I do not make those statements lightly because I had to work to really mean them. This self love journey has been filled with pain and brokenness and joy and fulfillment. This year of 2019, I have spent the most time alone and I have really learned how to take care of myself and put myself first. I have learned how to put on my own airplane breathing mask first. I have learned how to love myself even when I don’t feel lovable and I have learned what that looks like for me. I have learned what I require of others and what I will not accept and then actually not accepting it. 

This whole self love thing isn’t just about discovering how best you can love yourself or how you need others to show up for you but it’s also about putting all the knowledge into practice. 

I am such a beautiful person and I am so grateful and blessed that I can see that, treasure it, and never forget it. 

3. The importance of authenticity and truth. 

Okay so we’ve talked about God and self love and we’ve low-key shed a few tears so at this point, we’re friends. So here goes a very vulernable truth moment…. Hi my name is Joy and I am a retired liar. 

When I started this decade, I would tell so many lies especially as a teenager trying to live my best life with “oppressive” christian immigrant parents that were not with it.

I started to lie for “survival” and then the lies got bigger and unnecessary and I started lying to my friends, the world, and even to myself. A few years ago I decided that I wasn’t going to do that anymore so I started telling and living my truth. I decided I wanted to be the most authentic version of myself at all times. Now I can proudly say that you’ll get the same Joy no matter if you see me in church or at work or with my friends. I’m the same person and you’re always going to get the truth (sometimes bluntly) from me. I am that friend that is not going to lie to you and I’m going to give it to you straight. 

In order for me to be as honest as I try to be, I had to not just work on my character but my actions. I was lying because I was either doing stuff that I had no business doing or something I wasn’t proud of. Telling the truth compelled me to make sure my actions, words, and beliefs, were all aligned. 

Being authentic and honest has truly set me free. I no longer feel like I have to lie and I’m not always perfect but I have come so far. 

One of the best parts about choosing to be honest with the world and yourself is you start to do this thing where you care less about what people think. If you’re honest with yourself, what can anyone say that you don’t already know or that can hurt you? Nothing. 

4. Perseverance is not a verb. 

There have been a lot of times that I have wanted to give up. This life thing is not easy and being Joy is not for the faint of heart. I have learned the true definition of perseverance. Perseverance isn’t some crazy action or a big climax in an amazing story. Perseverance is sometimes just a mindset. Thinking to yourself “I will not give up” “I will get out of bed today” “I will try again”. Sometimes perseverance is a prayer. Perseverance and prayer have carried me through some of the hardest trials of this decade. When you persevere through whatever you’re going through it makes the journey and the end goal more rewarding.

5. The power of a good list. 

This is lesson is for all my people that love a good list like me. My lists have lists and I’m being so serious. I LOVE a list! A list can turn into anything. My lists have turned into graduating college, deepening important relationships, amazing opportunites, and even this blog. I have learned I can do anything with God and a good list! I literally love creating a list because it takes the mess of my mind and makes it organized and doable. All my list lovers and organizers can attest that there is no better feeling like crossing things off your to do list.

There’s something to be said about taking your thoughts and writing it out. The power of taking an idea and writing it down and writing out exactly how you’re going to accomplish it. That’s how dreams become reality. 

6. Start the Thing. 

Hi my name is Joy and I am procrastinator. I procrastinate on everything. It doesn’t even make sense. For example, I had to get my car registration inspection thingy done which if you know anything about that process, on your car you have the month and year you need to do it by. So mine was supposed to get done in august and I didn’t do it until September. When I got the new sticker I didn’t put it on until my mom literally made me….. a week ago….. in December. Smh it’s shameful but God’s not done with me yet.

So if I can procrastinate literally putting on a sticker, I can procrastinate at anything. This lesson that I’ve learned, but clearly still working on applying, is just to start the thing. Start the blog. Start the YouTube channel. Start the project. Start the business. Start before you think you’re ready. Just Start! The first step is the hardest but once you start the thing you never have to start all over again you just have to keep going. If anyone is reading this and you’ve been thinking about starting something this is for you. Start today. We need you. 

7. Healing is an ongoing process. 

This decade has basically been a rebirthing process. I have been forced to break away from everything comfortable and everything that I thought I wanted but didn’t actually need. I’ve been forced to break away from those I’ve loved and moments I yearn to relive.

Healing has been a big part of this year. Healing does not happen over night. It is okay to take the time and feel the feelings and go through the process. It doesn’t have to make sense or fit into a conventional box; true healing never does. Sometimes you don’t even realize how far you’ve come until moments like this new year when you’re looking back. Time is your friend and meditation is your companion. Be present in the process and even if you can’t be, just keep going. It is ongoing and it is worth it and it is beautiful.

I’m sending good vibes to anyone that is currently healing.

8. Not everything I think I want is what I actually need. / Everything happens for a reason. / What is for me is already mine. 

When I moved in with my roommates back in 2017 I had 3 rules; don’t mess with my food, don’t mess with my money, and don’t mess with my peace. I clearly understood the importance of having peace, but I was clearly mistaken with the idea that anyone can take peace from me.

Peace is God given and guaranteed and the only way you lose it, is by giving it away. Learning that I cannot control anyone or anything but myself has been life changing. I now have peace no matter what the situation is cause God got me and what is for me is already mine. That means even when things don’t go as planned or I don’t get something I thought I wanted, it is all for a reason and everything will work together for my good. 

9. The people in your circle matter but how you treat them matters more. 

As I have gotten older and wiser my circle has gotten smaller, but my love and appreciation for the folks that have made the cut has grown. I have really learned about friendship this decade. How I can show up for the people I care about and how to also love folks from a far.

I can’t remember all the moments that I’ve experienced but I can remember how people made me feel. I have become and I continue to strive to be the type of person that people remember treating them well. I, of course, am not perfect and I’ve probably been the toxic friend and I for sure have been the broke friend or the dramatic friend or the friend that cancels plans because they want to stay in bed.

To all my loves, I’m sorry for my foolishness. Thank you for putting up with me. You will always have a seat at my table and a room in my house. I love y’all. 

10. Dance. Sing. Laugh. 

We went over a whole decade’s worth of lessons and this one has been the most fun to learn. Life can be hard and there are a lot of things you have to figure out. As someone that has had her fair share of “stuff” to go through, there is no better medicine than a good playlist and something that makes you laugh so hard your stomach hurts. I have danced, sang, and laughed a lot of pain away. Music and a good joke can help you completely change your mindset. Sometimes you just need a good dance party. 

Here is a list of some of my favorite dance party songs: 

Good as Hell by Lizzo 

I got You by James Brown ‘

Run Up by Major Lazer, PND, Nicki Minaj

Nice for What By Drake 

Enjoy ya life by Jared Brady 

Before I let go by Beyonce

Thank you so much for reading my little piece of the decade. I’m wishing you and yours good vibes, good music, good food, and growth in this new decade!

                                                 Love, 

                                                   PJ