Don’t be afraid to be seen trying: A look behind the brand.

The other day, my therapist asked me to think about what I want and need when it comes to business. Her asking me this made me feel nervous and like I was in the spotlight. 

I know that I’m talented, driven, and I know my purpose, but I’m not good at being the main event. Sometimes, I’m more afraid of actually succeeding than I am of failing. I’m working on that. 

I am trying to let go of the fear or at least not allow it to consume me, but I think that for every moment of faith or boldness, there’s a little voice in the back of my head with doubt. 

It’s crazy to be the one that is holding me back. I hear all the doubts and anxiety telling me I’m not enough and some days, too many days, I listen. I give power to it. I agree with it. I let myself stop what I’m doing because of it. 

I can’t get in a consistent grind because doubt tells me I’m doing all of this for nothing. Fear tells me I’m not good enough. Anxiety tells me to stop trying. 

I don’t usually give life to the idea that the devil is out to get me. As a child of God, I know he is, but I think some Christians give the devil too much credit; in my case I don’t think I’ve given him enough. 

The ways that I have been attacked in this new season, I feel like the devil is waging war on me. Not in the big dramatic ways that I would notice, but in the details. In the little things that I don’t find worthy enough to pray for. 

I’m realizing that I could use more inspiration, encouragement, and focus, but more importantly, I need more prayer. I need more time with Jesus. I am being attacked and I didn’t even notice. I am fighting a war I haven’t prepared for. I am fighting a war that, even though the odds are stacked against me, I will win.