Throwing away my plan: A Brand New Perspective.

Vision. Not everyone has it, but most people want it.  

I’ve always had vision. I’ve always looked to the future being this amazing sequence of events, fulfilled promises, and realized dreams. 

This year has been a madness. I don’t even know how to process it all. I’ve learned that God is training me to listen to the sound of his voice. 

This next year/season is about me and falling more in love with myself, but it is also about hearing and listening to God’s voice. 

The same way I hide and drown myself out, I do it to God. I want to be so consistent in business and my career, but I haven’t even learned to be consistent with Jesus. 

I want to be clear. I had to take time to figure this out. I had to hear it multiple times in so many different ways. I figuratively pulled my hair out, wept, and searched for answers. Actually, I wept for the answers I wanted to hear. 

I liked and I still like my plan. It makes sense to me. It has a good balance of what I think I need and what I want. My plan has enough structure to be a guiding hand, but it also has freedom and fluidity. My plan is good. My plan makes sense to me. 

It is so extremely frustrating when you have vision, purpose, drive, willpower, persistence, dreams, and you’ve created a good plan that makes sense and you’re ready to start, but you don’t have God’s blessing. 

It sucks when you have to trade in all of your hard hours of therapy and preparation for the uncertainty of following Jesus. 

It’s easy to upgrade or even downgrade your life when you know what’s going to happen. It’s harder to trade in everything for an unknown outcome or a path where everyone just looks at you as you cry out for direction. 

This season has sucked. It has been so frustrating. Actually, it has been painful. I felt like I was in a hole I couldn’t dig myself out of. 

I was trying so hard and so many different things to get out of the hole. I was failing over and over and over and over again. 

Finally, reluctantly, I decided to sit my butt down and make this hole as comfortable as I can. I am choosing to make where I am, where I want to be. 

As much as I hate it, I’m not done here. I am exactly where I am supposed to be. In the paradoxical crossroads of it all. 

I’m starting over. In the same place. With the same vision. By my same self. But with a different outlook, attitude, and believing in a God that can make the same things, brand new.